“I want to believe that there is good in everyone. I think people are inherently good, but when they are faced with fear and stress, they fall back on behaviors they know. This can be a good thing, but more than most of the time, it is a bad, bad thing.”
I sat in an interview for graduate school last week. I was chosen as one of a few to attend Round Two interviews for the field of Mental Health Counseling. I was asked a question about how to deal with difficult people—people that wrong you, or that lie to you, or that shift blame, or that do illegal and unimaginable things. I was asked if I handled it well, and if it caused a great deal of stress in my life.
I didn’t exactly imagine that I would be single four days later. I didn’t imagine that I would have to go through a difficult situation, blame shifting, distortion of truth. I imagined I would most likely get a letter that told me I was accepted into the program. My vision only stretched that far—I didn’t think that major life changes would soon happen.
There’s always blame to both sides in a parting. When one side appears innocent, I have always believed their fault was in accepting too much. When we become too tolerant of craziness and loosen our boundaries, it is then that we are at fault. We fail ourselves.
I woke up today with a strange peace about me. I really thought it would be a rough day, but I made it through work with a level of calm and matter-of-fact attitude necessary to make sure I dealt with work only for the day. At the end of the day, I did talk to a coworker. She was aghast at the things she heard me tell her, but I told her I was ok. I realized it had been my fault—I tolerated way too much and was too accommodating. The reality is that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life tolerating other people’s craziness while they were critical of my life.
I realize now that I have not been on this blog in well over a month, and I have a project that is due in about 23 days. The reality of completing five more items seems nearly impossible. There has been too much going on to focus on the project, which also means I haven’t been focusing on what I want.
If I don’t complete the list, it won’t be the end of the world. I can tell you right away that I have grown so much in the past year. I will admit that I let my guard down the past six months, but that has taught me to be stronger than ever. I am tired of unhappy people trying to steal my happiness. Enough is enough.
And what about me? I will be happily single. I will still be crazy smart. I will still have insanely beautiful and endearing children that are strong, compassionate, and fiery creatures. I will still have tons of friends and family that support all my passions and goals and, from now until the end, I will be happy. That’s the least I owe myself…