I never thought I would get so out of the habit of writing...
The end of the school year is always busy, with paperwork and cleaning the classroom, exams and last-minute meetings. I try to plan ahead every year, but I am always rushing around in the end.
Tomorrow is the last day of classes for the kids, and I am ready for a break! I have been pushing hard this year, with a lot of new changes. The divorce was final, I had a major move, a new job, and shuffling kids to school and activities. I will consider this year to be incredibly successful- more than anything because I survived! My activity level stayed high, and aside from the two surgeries I had a pretty healthy year (all things considered).
I am excited to have the summer to work on a lot of projects I let fall behind. I also have a lot of work to do for my major project. I will be reading my 10 books, I will catch my first fish, I will work on training for the race, and I will take my road trip.
Next week I am supposed to head to the mountains for a much-needed break. I am more than excited at the prospect of reading, watching movies, and relaxing on the porch when I am not in the city meeting people. I have been waiting for a break from this chaos, and the time will soon be mine. :-)
While thinking about planning this getaway, I thought about my patterns of photography. I have gone through major changes in the frequency of pictures I have taken. It seems I take more when I am having trouble with pain or with my memory. It's almost like I feel like I have to capture memories so I don't forget later.
After my injury, I took a lot of photos. I looked at them later, and couldn't really remember that I even took them. It was helpful that I captured the memories, and I wondered if I had an urgency to capture the memories to look back on later. I know I have had days like that over the past year.
I thought of taking my camera with me on this trip, and I know I ultimately will. My immediate reaction was that I didn't need it, because I would remember this trip. It's funny how I always capture very sensory memories of trips like these. Any time I can find refuge somewhere, I always absorb the experience. I will remember the scent of the cabin, the shine of the track lighting on me when I read a book late into the night, the sound of the birds in the woods in the early evening. I am wishing, hoping, even praying that there will be rain so I can hear the rain on the tin roof. And the feel of a warm bath in the old-fashioned clawfoot bathtub will be the perfect way to end an evening.
I may not remember little bits of memories throughout the past, but experiences like these will be ingrained in my memory forever. I guess that is where my "focus" comes in- I am able to see, hear, and feel the world around me like many people miss. I have to wonder if that's a better memory, or a more open lens when it comes to evaluating the experience. I don't create the feelings later; I just realize what is happening around me more clearly.