Max Capacity

When was the last time you worked your body to the point of physical exhaustion?  I am not talking about "oh, I am tired." Or feeling a little sore...

I am talking COLLAPSING ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE I CAN'T WALK exhaustion...

I have been training hard, but never as hard as today.  It has been incredibly neat, because my body has been incredibly fickle over these years.  And there are really no guarantees over what will happen for me in the future.  The fact that I could have a workout like today was nothing short of a miracle.

The idea of panting and sweating and collapsing on the floor probably doesn't seem like fun to anyone else, but I celebrated! And I will be back tomorrow...

I am starting my drum lessons tomorrow, and will be booking my hot air balloon ride for April (when the trees are in bloom).  There are a lot of projects in the works. :-)

Perception

It is funny how many of my days can be summed up with a single "theme word."  I like it that way--there is order when one can evaluate her day and find a common thread among her activities.  Today's word is perception.

Today was a flood day at work, so I got the day off.  Yes, it rained and I didn't have to go to work. :-)  That means I reported to the gym at 8am, without an appointment.  Obviously I am free to go whenever I please, but today I decided I needed to get my workout going so I could feel great for the rest of the day.

I had a good talk with someone at the gym about perception.  We talked about how people show up for their workouts, and how they view the work going in.  I tend to have an upbeat attitude, because I know attitude is everything.  I also know that there is not a lot of purpose in being negative, and it only brings other people down.  And I perceive my workouts as being incredibly beneficial to my well-being, so I readily show up.  Regardless, it was an excellent workout, I ran well and did upper body weights, and had a great morning.

I went on to get my hair colored, because I found three more gray hairs forming a Bonnie Raitt-style streak.  I realize that I have dark hair and gray hairs are more visible, but it just wasn't working for me.  Some of you know I didn't have any real hair last year, and had to wear a wig.  I am grateful I have a head of my own hair now (it's cooler than a wig!), but I also didn't like the slap in the face that I am getting older.

In that moment, I took a good look in the mirror.  Not a passing glance, but a real look. I did see the grays, but I also saw a healthy glow in my cheeks, beautiful blue eyes, and a kind smile.  I really liked what I saw, no matter how I might be aging.  Wrinkles are already starting, and all those other aging things.  But, I know that's because I laugh often, furrow my brown when I am tempered or confused, and use expression to enjoy the life around me. So bring it on!

Later I talked to someone about single life.  We talked about perceptions of dating as one is older.  I am not old by any means, but I am not a young girl anymore.  Having kids changes everything, and unfortunately people can get a perception or preconceived notion of the way life with children must me.  I know that perceptions are based on background experience, and there are exceptions to every rule.  My life has been enhanced by having kids.  I don't have to give up on a life or dreams; if anything, I have more purpose, goals, activity and fun BECAUSE of them.  And I thank them every day. :-)  Regardless, it does make single life a challenge for some at times. :-)

I love to think, sometimes a little too much.  I feel sad when I am not able to fully-absorb the world around me.  There is so much of life to experience, and being able to experience such an intense and broad range of emotions is what makes being a human so cool.  I found it fascinating that in my day, such random events could have such a common theme.

Charity

I did want to take a break from talking about the other goals, and talk for a moment about the charity goal.  My goal is to raise $1,000 for a charity.  This seems like a lot, but I have a feeling if I put my mind to it I won't have much of a problem.

My parents always instilled in me a strong sense of community service and providing for the needs of others.  We also believe in working hard for everything, but we know that there are many groups less fortunate that could use our time and resources.  I appreciate that they pushed us to become involved in many organizations from a young age.  We were able to learn compassion and empathy from speaking with and listening to people from a variety of different backgrounds.  That experience has proved to be very valuable in every aspect of my current life.  I am trying to keep this in mind as I come up with a plan for how I will raise the money.

I could do all of the basic fundraising tactics, but I have a feeling I might have something bigger up my sleeve... ;-)  After all, this project is meant to be an adventure!

Ah, the significance...

Since it is raining outside, and I am on a "recovery day," today would be the perfect day to tell you about the significance of each of my goals.

Now, keep in mind that I did not sit down and put weeks of thought into these goals.  But also, anyone that knows me for more than a minute will know that everything I say and do means something (even the random things).  So, looking at this list is actually intriguing, because it shows where there are obvious gaps and room for healing in my life.

"Learn to play the drums" This is interesting because I was in band for several years, so I have a good concept of music.  I also play music CONSTANTLY (of all varieties), and there is always music on my mind.  I don't know how I had survived this many years without learning to play.  The idea for this task came about when I found a unit teaching math with drumming.  I attempted to even play some basic drumming beats, and found that my rhythm was severely off.  Anyone that knows me well would also know that I was born without rhythm. ;-)  This shall indeed be a challenge!

Learning Italian has always been an interest of mine.  I have always been fascinated with the country, the culture, and the language.  I think there is definitely a longing I have to travel to another country, or even to disappear for a while.  To be even swept up in another world.  For now, I will attempt to learn my phrases.

Catching a fish is something basic that I guess I just never got around to?  I guess it really is important to me because I have always lived life with one foot in the outdoors, and the other curled up with a book.  I have been whitewater canoeing and camping since I was a small child, and I am confused as to how I got this far in life without catching a fish?  My students are very concerned with this, and rest assured this task will be complete by spring. :-)

Designing a website was chosen to make me less scared of computers... Yes, you can laugh...  I use them often, and I will say I like what they have to offer, but there is nothing like the old school feeling of a book in your hands or a pen to paper.  I know I am too young to be saying all of this, and I need to get with it.  I also have a lot of practical needs for website design, and know I could use it for classroom projects and other things.  It is also just a good skill I can have, and something I can say I did. :-)

The karaoke in public goal was designed to get me up in front of a group of people.  It was not designed for public humiliation, though it may have turned out that way...  I did sing in front of about thirty middle and high school students for about six songs, which really took me from terrified to only halfway scared.  One kid is always a critic at school, but he told me at the end of my rendition of I Will Survive, "Ms. Winn, I can respect you now." Good stuff...

Reading the ten great works of literature is really just to get me reading good stuff again.  I do read all the time.  I mean ALL the time...  I read for fun, I read for work, I read a couple of hours out of every day.  I just wanted to push myself to read more of things that will have an impact on my life and on my teaching.  I met a guy and was talking to him about books.  I asked him what he liked to read, and he said "I'm actually taking a break from reading right now..."  Is that possible? And did he just say that to a TEACHER???

Traveling to another country and traveling first class are meant to get me back out in the world again, and to treat myself right.  I have always been a dreamer and a goal-setter, and it is time that I did what I could to make my dreams happen.  And I might as well go there in style, right? ;-)

Eating vegetarian for a month and enjoying it...  I was actually vegetarian for quite a while... I can't say I enjoyed it terribly much.  I didn't really have a love for vegetables until fairly recently, and I can say now that when I attempt this again, I will be trying tons of different foods and doing it right. :-)

We have already touched on the running goal, but it is good enough to be said again.  When someone spends periods not being able to walk, it is pretty awesome to be able to run!!  I will tell you that this training (even though it has only been four days) has been some of the hardest work I have done in my life.  I think this goal has been a project in itself!  I will go ahead and say that this goal will more than make my last goal of making all of my "physical" numbers better by my birthday.  The doctor has already been singing praises since I have lost weight, and it is only going to get better.  She is very aware of my workout requirements, and is working with me on managing my fibromyalgia during this training.  The interesting thing I have heard is the body actually responds better to intense training.  It's almost like it has overload, so it doesn't respond to the mini-stressors like it would in everyday life.

In reality, I think I am just too terribly sore from pushing my body... I don't notice the fibromyalgia anymore...

So, I know I have missed some of the goals, but I don't want to write a novel.  I will talk about the rest of them on my next day off from training.  Tomorrow I train with Jesse, and he will work me hard.  I will hopefully be able to walk to my car when I am done...  He's great in motivating and teaching me technique, but he also doesn't let me make excuses.  And that is exactly what I need right now.

The Girl That Gave You a Story to Tell...

Today I woke up at about 4:20am, and I was REALLY sore...  I sat in bed and thought about how I used to be in pain all the time.  Every moment of every day.

And then I rolled over and got out of bed. :-)  I knew if I wanted so badly for change to occur, lying in bed wasn't going to make it better.

I went to work and decided to convert part of the day into a self-advocacy lesson.  The classes like hearing the updates on the training anyway, so I decided to bridge that talk into a full lesson.  It turned out to be a great motivation for them, and helped me as well.  I talked with a regular education high school class for a brief period about my project.  They were all ears, and were nodding as I told them the only person responsible for making me succeed was myself.  I am beginning to see that my daily success in this project is going to have a tremendous impact on myself and my family, but I also think it will carry over to the school. A few of the girls asked if they could work out, and were very interested in getting fit.

I redecorated my classroom door, so that all the students that passed by will get some daily motivation in all aspects of their life.  There are assorted quotes that I love, and I will add more as time goes on.  One of my favorites is on there:

I want to be the girl

that changed everything.

The girl that made a difference.

The girl that gave you a story to tell.

This was perfect for me, because I knew I always wanted to lady that grows old and has a collection of stories to tell.  But even more, deep down inside of me there was a part of me that wanted to inspire a story NOW.  And now is my time!

And I do realize that I promised an explanation of my goals and their significance tonight.  That will have to wait for tomorrow's update.  Today was an action-packed day of teaching and training, and my body has had all it can take.  The trainer has asked me today if I have brushed up on my Italian over the night.  I told him I was just going to find me an Italian man. ;-)

P.S. Today I DID train... Upper body weights, elliptical machine, and stair machine... Whew!!!