Saturday, January 7, 2012

Shells and Boundaries

I did go back to training today (day 4), and I survived! :-D  Today was spent on the lower body, along with some very brisk cardio at the end.  I will say that the combination between being very active and eating really well has made me feel really great.  I did take a look at what I have been eating over the past four days, and realized I have completely cut out processed junk.  I guess I knew it was going to happen because I was following a plan, but I didn't realize that I had survived the first few days of that.  In the past, when I had cut out sugars, processed junk, and cut back on caffeine, my body screamed for a few days.  Maybe it was too busy screaming in pain to notice. ;-)

I had a good conversation with someone after my training was over.  Conversations are interesting, because they can start in the most innocent and obscure places, and end up hitting the deepest points.  This person told me how he had been left repeatedly, mistreated and wronged through his life, and how he was making the decision not to carry the anger with him any longer.  This person did have a significant weight problem in the past.  It started me thinking about how we create "shells" when we are hurt.  We use food, alcohol, whatever as a crutch, and we try to shut the world out.  I know it's the mind and heart's way of coping, but it really only creates isolation... and a really big person.

I thought back to college, when I was running and I was very active and content with life.  I will go ahead and say now there was an event in my life that caused me to shut everything out, and create a physical and emotional shell.  For me, I wonder if it was more of making me look less appealing to people, or if it was the comfort of food.  Either way, I was not seeing things in a healthy perspective (obviously).  I see now that I was grieving.

I stand in front of the mirror now, and I have seen some incredible changes.  I also know my heart has endured some incredible changes and healing over these past months.  I now feel that I am able to communicate what I need and want, and am better able to give people what they need in return (in all aspects of life).  This sense of balance in life will hopefully carry me beyond this training and project, and into a healthy lifestyle.  I have many more productive years ahead of me, and I am ready to live them without my shell, thank you very much!

No comments:

Post a Comment