I always like the end of the month. For teachers, it is a pay day, but I have always liked these days. It is funny that we watch all these television specials in December that talk about the year in review. Does anyone ever review their months? Or for that matter, their weeks or days?
I have always been fascinated with calendars. When my OCD was really bad, I remember having five different calendars and planners. They all recorded the same information. The actual information was irrelevant; it was more about the comfort of exerting some control on my surroundings.
Right now, I only have one calendar. It seems to be a necessity with the nature of my job. I don't wear a watch either, which says a lot about how far I have come. Still, at the end of every month I take a few moments to think about the successes and failures of the month.
This month was incredibly progressive. I had a lot of adventures, tried new things, had some moments of deep thinking, and plenty of moments of laughter. I was moved to tears a few times, and made some grandiose plans for the future. I did a lot of dreaming this month, and a lot of reflecting on the past.
I know that no one wants to read a blog about someone that gushes about herself, but I have to give myself credit. I look at the past 2.5 years, and am amazed at the development of my "self." There were victories and defeats. I think I probably spent an awful lot on Kleenex.... In the end, I came out ahead. I look at this time as tremendous growth. I became closer to family, I developed some positive friendships, and I pushed myself to grow and engage the world around me.
I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there. I have always considered myself a "work in progress." Today I ran with Jesse, and we ended up heading to the top of a hill. I think it was a fitting choice for the end of the month. When we reached the "mount" (which is funny, because we were in town), I was able to survey the success of my journey. I don't think you have to think too deeply to see the metaphor there..